“Love is patient, love is kind…”; typically when I say this I’m totally kidding, because, often I am neither. More often perhaps, I am one or the other when the trick may be that you should be both together.
This morning I took some “me-time”, which typically, I do not do. Even when it looks like I am doing it, 99% of the time I am drafting emails in the bathtub or going over client orders with that glass of wine. I start blog posts in the shower only to be annoyed when I lose my thoughts.
During this “me-time” I consciously decided to let go of some things, which again is something I do not do. I chose to let go of little bits of anger that fester into hatred before you know it. Hatred such as that sadly tends to be directed towards the people you love most. People who are patient and kind…at the same time.
As a wedding photographer, I know wedding days have hiccups. My own wedding centerpieces did not even make it to my wedding. I handled this information far more calmly than anyone could have imagined. I knew that at the end of the day we’d still be married. Additionally, my awesome dad, father-in-law, and groomsmen have great stories of their time in a Puerto Rican mall. Those memories wouldn’t have been formed without a crisis.
What truly went wrong for me was the number one thing I thought wouldn’t get screwed up, because it was the most important thing to me other than my husband…. my photos. I should point out that my photographer did not cause the issues with them, she is wonderful. But at the end of the day, I wound up with no bridal portrait, no pictures of my mom getting ready, no “moments” with my parents before the ceremony, and no first glance with my dad. In the midst of my day, I didn’t notice the events getting in the way of this. In the end, I was missing a big chunk of the album in my head. I decided then not to look at my wedding photos because it was painful…
Today I decided to let go of the pain – To not let it control me anymore. I decided to learn from it and to make sure that similar circumstances don't affect any of my own clients. I decided to stop dwelling on it on a nearly daily basis. As I did this I looked at my photos again and found a gem that I hadn’t even seen before.
Hiding in plain sight, behind all of my anger, was one of the most special moments in my life. One that deserves to be treasured; My husband and I dancing our last dance, to the song we danced to the first time he told me he loved me. This image is not worth a thousand words, this picture is worth everything. It is worth anger and hatred, and it is worth waking up and getting over myself. This picture contains all of the love in the world. The love we deserve to give and receive daily. The love we should never let anyone, including ourselves, get in the way of.
We like to think we know what the best moments of our lives or wedding days are going to be. But every once in a while we get a nice surprise thrown in there. Something extra to hold on to. I have previously stated that we need pictures to hold on to when we lose someone in our lives, but we also need them for when we lose a little bit of ourselves. We need something to hold in our hands while we remember that if we try we can find light in the darkness.
photo credit: Jackie Dibenedetto 2015